So…. it’s definitely been a minute since I have posted on my blog and its because this topic has weighed heavy on my heart. I didn’t know how I wanted to execute this discussion.
I thought 100% honesty was the best policy for this one. Jayson and I have removed some toxic relationships in our lives and while it’s difficult. It was necessary. We made joint decisions and talked through all possible outcomes. ( were we ready, and why we felt it was time) We have noticed my anxiety along with his has completely come down since making the decision all those months ago.
Let’s dive in. Toxic relationships are no longer just between significant others. Well actually they have never been just between significant others but we seem to let toxic family, friends, workplaces etc take a pass. Why ? The age old saying “blood is thicker than water.” Everyone is okay with you parting ways with a toxic boyfriend/husband/wife etc but the moment you decide to distance yourself from family or friends it becomes an issue. I am here to tell you that it’s okay to cut these people out of your life long term or short term.
Toxic people will never see themselves as “toxic” and they will never change unless they want to. Toxic people often play the “victim” and they always place the blame on others. OR. They blame one party over the other for turning them against said toxic party. An example would be the Harry and Megan Markle situation. Many people blame Megan. The way I see it. There is two people in that relationship and it takes two people to make that decision. While I won’t get into their particular situation I will say that women in relationships always tend to get the blame. Your husband doesn’t want to go out with the boys ? Oh sorry the wife says we have stuff to do. Many men won’t always speak up and sometimes use their significant other as a cop out. Not always on purpose, nor do they mean to place us women as the “bad guy.” It just seems to happen. This makes toxic relationships difficult when your joint with another person. They always seem to blame the other party. This has happened with Jayson and I. He has gotten the blame from me pulling away from people and I have also gotten the blame from pulling him from people. Sometimes a toxic person has to blame someone. That’s okay. You can’t change that person. They NEED to blame someone because they can’t see what they are doing wrong.
Toxic relationships in family is difficult. There are many people involved normally and the common phrase is “they are your sister/brother/mother/father etc you should talk to them…..” Now just because someone is blood…… Doesn’t mean that I should allow someone to speak/treat me a certain way. If I wouldn’t allow a friend to do the same or a neighbor why would I allow it in my family ? Sometimes. It’s not always a toxic member of the family but can be a toxic environment or situation. It’s okay to step away and live separate lives. Doesn’t mean that you don’t care /love each other. Sometimes…. you are just better apart.
Many people start to pull away from toxic relationships by slowly not talking and saying your busy. Not all relationships end with a fight. Sometimes we reflect and find out that we are better mentally without those beings in our life. Just remember that’s okay !
My favorite quote : You can’t change someone who doesn’t see an issue in their actions.
Also… if you are thinking you may be toxic to someone ( or someone has pulled away from you because of this) take some time to reflect and work on yourself.
…. toxic relationships to be continued.